Tag Archives: introvert

20 myths about introverts and extroverts – the debate continues…………..

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Following on from yesterday’s blog post about whether it is best to be an introvert or an extrovert here are 10 myths about each personality type.  Do you agree with these myths and have you decided which personality type best describes you?  Maybe you are like me and are bang in the middle of the introvert/extrovert spectrum or maybe you recognise that you are definitely more like one type than the other.  Either way it doesn’t matter where in the spectrum your personality lies as each is equally valid and can contribute to society in equal amounts. The important lesson to learn from this debate is that your happiness will be influenced by recognising where you feel your own strengths lie. Trying to fit a square peg in a round hole because you feel your personality type is not a desirable one is not a route to happiness. Your strengths are just as strong as someone else’s strengths – it is really important to remember this. The debate continues………………..

 

 

JERRY BRITO

PERFORMANCE ARTIST

  • Thursday, June 2, 2011

    Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
    This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

    Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
    Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

    Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
    Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

    Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
    On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

    Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
    Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

    Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
    Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

    Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
    Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

    Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
    Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

    Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
    Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

    Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
    Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

    In response to the recent article “10 Myths about Introverts” floating about Facebook lately, I felt the irrepressible need to explain the extroverts of the world.Read with enjoyment - and an open heart! :)

Myth #1 – Extroverts like to talk and can’t be silent.

  • It’s not so much that we LIKE to talk – but what we DON’T like. Which is awkward silence. This is what occurs when you put a bunch of introverts in a room who don’t like making small talk! We like to “break the ice” and talk about anything and everything we can think of, just to avoid the awkwardness of everyone pretending not to be listening or looking at anyone else in the room. If others are talking and there’s no awkwardness – we embrace the opportunity to stop brainstorming random and totally unnecessary subjects!

Myth #2 – Extroverts need to be the center of attention.

  • Need? No. We simply ARE, due to introverts not talking….er….excuse me…I believe it’s refusing to “beat(ing) around the bush with social pleasantries”.There we go. Or liking to spend an abundant amount of time in public. We end up being the center of attention by default!

Myth #3 – Extroverts enjoy public speaking.

  • Just because we are comfortable talking to YOU and the person standing next to you (and the next person that comes along), does NOT mean that we have any desire to talk to a room full of people at once. Our level of comfort in verbally communicating with others stops when they actually all stop to listen and do not respond. Must I use the word “awkward” again?

Myth #4 – Extroverts love meeting people.

  • Though we get our energy from being around others, do not mistake this for wanting to be the designated “new person” greeter. Being shoved towards a person that no one in the room knows is just as uncomfortable for us, as it is for introverts. However – unlike introverts – we don’t know how it is possible to make friends WITHOUT first going through the inevitable “small talk” phase that introverts hate so much. So we push through the hesitation and discomfort and just do it. (Think about it, introverts – your closest friends are extroverts who did exactly what you think is unnecessary to do in public, aren’t they?? AREN’T they?!)

Myth #5 – Extroverts don’t want to be alone.

  • How would you know? You only see us when we’re around you. :)

Myth #6 – Extroverts have a lot of energy.

  • Trust me on this one. We. do. not. exert. any. energy. at. home. YOU give us energy! Isn’t that the biggest compliment in the world? We are ONLY energetic when we are around you! We love getting to know you, and finding out more about you, and spending time with you! Woo-hoo….I’m getting more energy just thinking about thinking about you! It doesn’t have to be in big groups, either. Extroverts just enjoy spending time with someone other than themselves.

Myth #7 – Extroverts don’t need time to recharge.

  • Our recharge is faster than your recharge. Not to sound arrogant or anything. Nothing to brag about, really. Well…it kinda is. Do you remember the last time an extrovert excused themselves to the potty? Yep – that’s all it takes. Really. We excuse ourselves, head on down to the john, and let everything that’s going on sink in. Then we’re ready for round 2!

Myth #8 – Extroverts are not shy.

  • We can be. *buries face in jacket*

Myth #9 – Extroverts don’t have close friends, but a lot of acquaintances.

  • Here’s the thing. We are capable of being interested in more than 5 people at one time on a deeper level. However – we still invest the majority of our emotional baggage in a few lucky individuals – just like you introverts do. I just think we prepare ourselves with back-ups in case our emotions get smashed by close friends we shared them with! Who wants to be left all alone when a close friend moves on or away???? Oh. That’s right. Introverts do.

Myth #10 – Extroverts don’t care what others think.

  • The biggest myth of them all! Extroverts have self-confidence issues just as you do! When people look at us across the room, we wonder if they’re approving our newest clothing ensemble or simply checking out the fresh pimple beside our nose. The difference is – we typically just ask them! I mean, don’t introverts “want everyone to just be real and honest”? What better way than to verbally confirm their suspicion??

http://thetruthaboutsushi.blogspot.co.uk/2011/12/10-myths-about-extroverts.html

 

 

Who is happiest the introvert or the extrovert?

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I am currently reading a very interesting book by Susan Cain called “Quiet” which eloquently argues the case for the introvert. We live in a society in which extroverts are portrayed as some sort of ideal which we should all somehow strive to become.  A celebrity-focused culture gives little legitimacy to the introvert whose quiet but successful endeavours can go unnoticed amidst the noise and heat surrounding the extrovert.  This well-argued review of Susan Cain’s book, by positive psychologist Dr Christopher Petersen, illustrates that we do not need to be extrovert to be happy.  In fact striving to be an extrovert if this goes against one’s own nature can be the cause of great unhappiness. Read this excellent article from Pysychology Today magazine and watch Susan Cain’s Ted talk in which she tells her own story of an introvert who was forced to become an extrovert to succeed.

“If I could I would always work in silence and obscurity, and let my efforts be known by their results.” Emily Bronte

A Quiet Positive Psychology

A quiet positive psychology would be a scientifically reasonable one.
Published on May 25, 2012 by Christopher Peterson, Ph.D. in The Good Life


I just finished reading a terrific book written by Susan Cain (2012), who also writes blog entries for Psychology Today. Her book Quiet is a best-seller, deservedly so, and many of you readers are no doubt familiar with its content. Her focus is on the 1/3 to 1/2 of all people who are introverted. Introversion is not to be confused with shyness. Rather, the introverted person is reflective and thoughtful and often prefers to be alone and to work alone. Too much social interaction leaves the introvert depleted and overwhelmed. Introverts have friends and social skills, just in different ways than their extroverted counterparts.

 Introverts also have a bad reputation, at least in the modern Western World, and Cain argues that in such domains as business, school, and even religion, extroversion is idealized. That said, introverts have many virtues, and some of the world’s most important accomplishments have been made by introverted individuals.

I will not repeat her further arguments here — see her book or her blog entries — but I will observe that she is a very good writer and a very good thinker. And by her own report, she is an introvert, proof positive of her book’s thesis.

Rather, the point of this essay is to consider positive psychology vis-à-vis the ideas put forth so powerfully in Quiet. What Cain calls the Extroverted Ideal is not explicit in positive psychology’s vision of the good life, but it often lurks there.

When positive psychologists focus on positive emotions, we privilege activated feelings like happiness and shoulder aside more quiet feelings like contentment. When positive psychologists — like me in particular — proclaim that “other people matter,” it is easy to hear this slogan as implying that the most meaningful life is one abuzz nonstop with lots of other folks. When positive psychologists discuss achievement, we point to the role played by teams and workgroups, never mind the fact that many accomplishments result from long hours of solitary work.

Positive psychology holds that the good life can take different forms, and we should take this pronouncement seriously. There is a noisy and extroverted view of what it means to live well, but there is also a quiet and introverted view. Both deserve our scientific attention. One size does not fit all, and introverts should not be measured against extroverts (or vice versa, although no one seems to be doing much of that these days).

My apologies to all who invite me, but I dislike positive psychology conferences, at least after the first day, because they are attended by people who seem extremely extroverted: happy and humorous, boisterous and bouncy, hugging strangers and hollering out to any and all. My persona is that of an extrovert, but that is just a way of behaving that I have adopted over the years in my roles as a teacher and a speaker**. Deep down, at the level of my nervous system if not my overt actions, I am an introvert.

So too are many if not most of the leaders in the field of positive psychology, which of course is ironic. Perhaps when positive psychology began, its earliest proponents were careful not to prescribe their own personality styles as a way to lead a good life. This is regrettable, in retrospect, because a quiet positive psychology would not only be an appealing complement to the noisy one that exists but also a scientifically reasonable one. So, the character strength of curiosity can be shown in a loudly inquisitive way (“I am always asking other people questions”) or in a quietly observant way (“I am always sitting on the sidelines and paying attention to what is happening”). Mixing these together obscures what are likely important differences in what it means to be curious.

Thoughtfully, I call for a quiet positive psychology.

* I will follow the lead of Quiet and use extroversion rather than extraversion to describe people who are outgoing, gregarious, and energized by social encounters.

** When I first began my career as a teacher, I was absolutely terrible … way too abstract and way too serious. So, I studied — and I really mean studied — joke books as well as the common culture to create skills at glibness, meaning humor and small talk. I even subscribed to The National Enquirer and deducted the cost on my federal tax form as an unreimbursed business expense. I became to all outward appearances a funny guy and a chatty guy, and there were professional and even some personal benefits to doing so. But I remained an introvert, and I thank Susan Cain for reminding me that the person I really am is as okay as the person I appear to be.

Reference

Cain, S. (2012). Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking.New York: Crown.

Article published in Psychology Today, 25th May 2012

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Susan Cain TED talk – The Power of Introverts